Advice Needed: How to get your partner to practice self care

asparling1986
Community Manager
Community Manager

I'm concerned my husband's lack of self-care is starting to have a negative impact on my own health and wellbeing.

 

Does anyone have advice on how to get ones partner to jump on the self-care train and take it more seriously? I'm really concerned that if he doesn't recognize how important it is, his stress and anxiety will hurt our partnership. Any and all thoughts welcome!

 

 

5 REPLIES 5

Casey
Member

Hi @asparling1986 ! I'm sorry to hear you and your partner are going through this. I don't have advice to offer from a relationship standpoint, but I am someone who hasn't prioritized self-care for a really long time and I see the effect it has on my friends.

 

I have friends who've given me tough love, some who've tried to ignore it, and others who show me a lot of compassion and vulnerability. I know that it's hurting them too and that's when I've tried to make strides in my self-care journey.

 

Have you tried being really direct and vulnerable that it's affecting your own wellbeing and your partnership? Here to support you <3. I know this must be so tough 😔

Hi @Casey - I really appreciate your advice here. I do think I could just come out and say to my partner that his lack of consistent self care is actually hurting me. Where I struggle is how to say it without it feeling too harsh or condescending. Any suggestions on word choice or tone? ❤️

Margeaux_H
Guide
Guide

I have been through similar situation with my husband. We use to smoke and drink alot together.  8 years ago when I quit smoking I also started to drink less because one kind of went woth the other. My husband I use to hang out in the yard together all the time but when I quit smoking and drinking he didn't and I found myself not wanting to sit outside getting chewed on by mosquitos for no reason.  I explained to my husband that it was no longer enjoyable for me and that I was really trying to make major life changes. He was a little miffed at first and we spent less time together because he still wanted to hang but then as my health started to improve he began to get on the same train and instead of making dates to drink wine and chill we started making dates to ride bikes in the park and do outdoor activities and he found himself looking and feeling better too. Now we hold eacother acountable and support ant encourge eachother to stay in good health. Most times during our 21 year relationship I am the catalyst for change but he eventually gets on board because he realizes that it is good for both of us. I would say continue to show up for yourself and do what you need to do and as you make the changes for yourself he will most likely come around  If not you may have to reevaluate your relationship. 

@Margeaux_H and @Sarah_E  - first off, THANK YOU. I think you're both spot on when it comes to self-care. It's just that: i need to take care of myself and not try to force anyone to do the same, but welcome them to join me on the journey. By setting a good example and being more inclusive about self-care, I think he'll likely get on board. 

 

Honestly, I can't thank you two enough. So, so helpful. xx

Sarah_E
Member

Hi @asparling1986 , prob not what you want to hear, but the only person you can control is yourself. You can’t force someone into self care, but you can lead by example and you can learn to make choices that support your well being (though I know that can be so hard). Sending a lot of love and please keep taking care of you xo