I am curious how do you all cope with the discomfort that sometimes comes with telling others no, or being told no?
This is interesting......I think saying No to anyone isn't hard if I am saying No for the right reason. I am old enough to know I can't please everyone nor can I stretch myself too thin and not give my 100%. So if I am saying No, it comes from a good place. I think the same when someone tells me No. Sometimes I will admit, I am a little hurt, but I would rather have a yes with you fully engaged. No isn't a bad word.
"If I am saying no, its coming from a good place!", this statement just resonates with me on so many levels.
For me its super hard to say no and hear it, I have learned to understand that NO isn't necessarily bad. & I have had to learn to sit in the suckiness of understanding not everything is possible or doable when I think it needs to be.
I agree! When I really allowed myself to accept that being told No was not a rejection of my personhood (or of someone else's) I grew to appreciate the time and energy that was saved. As well as the confidence in myself and my relationships with others.
I love this question @Nichomi_H!
For me, it's down to accepting the feelings that come up. Maybe that's anxiety about what they'll think or guilt at the thought that I "should" be doing something that I'm electing not to. It can be really helpful to ground in the sensory experience of these emotional states and to breathe in as though I can make space for them.
I also really like what @Jojo3 said about saying no for the right reason. I try to check in with my values and how I can best express the kind of person that I want to be. If saying yes will leave me resentful and stewing about my resentment, that's counter to the person I want to be. If saying no will help me to provide myself with support that I need and will also support me in actually engaging with others when I do connect with others, then no may be the best answer for me.
Sometimes I lack the confidence behind my no…I almost get FOMO? Like I want to say no, but what if there’s a silver lining? I think I need to trust myself more and find the peace within a no .!
You hit the nail on the head. I am learning that the more I grow to trust myself the more intuitive my ability to assert and receive no becomes. It's like when I assert it, it is from a deeper place of this is whats best for me. When I receive it may be more like "okay" I guess they have the right to do what's best for them too, lol!
When it comes to telling others "no", I try to remind myself that as long as I respond in a kind (but firm!) way, someone's negative reaction to that "no" is not my fault, or something I should feel responsible for. As a natural people pleaser it can be super tough to say no and set personal boundries (and have someone respond negatively to it!) but at the end of the day, you're your own advocate, best friend, support system, etc. and no one else will have your back or understand your emotional needs in the way that you do. So I say it's all about being proud of yourself for setting boundaries! acknowledging that as a personal win, and letting go of holding yourself accountable or responsible for someone's reaction.
When someone responds badly when you set a boundary, it speaks to their own character (or personal struggles). Plus, setting boundaries and saying no can actually strengthen and improve relationships! When you constantly say yes, you're setting yourself up (and the relationship you're in-be it with a friend, spouse, family member, etc) for disaster later on. It can lead to mounting resentment, frustration, and anger, since by constantly saying "yes", you're not taking care of your own emotional needs or wellbeing, and that can eventually boil over in unhealthy ways into your relationship when not proactively dealt with. So even though saying "no" and having these convos now can be uncomfortable, in the long run you're avoiding greater problems later on, and showing up for yourself in the ways that matter.
Can we just highlight this sis!👊🏽🙌🏽
but at the end of the day, you're your own advocate, best friend, support system, etc. and no one else will have your back or understand your emotional needs in the way that you do. So I say it's all about being proud of yourself for setting boundaries! acknowledging that as a personal win, and letting go of holding yourself accountable or responsible for someone's reaction.
“I’m not saying no to youn just this idea.
Oh boy! I have been working on this for several years. COVID finally gave me the push. I was forced to establish boundaries and hold them up. It is not an easy process but it is worth all the strife to get to where it’s comfortable.
NO. For 2023 if it’s not a “Hell Yes” it’s a “No”. When someone is asking you to do something and you don’t feel 100% about it “No”. A simple “thank you for asking but I’m not not able to do that right now”. It’s much easier to go back if you’ve changed your mind then to say yes and perseverate on how to get out of it.
It is LIBERATING.
Right now I am at my full capacity, dissolving a business partnership due to addiction, grieving the recent loss of my dad, reestablishing my business as a new entity SOLO, 13 yo son (fun times), etc etc. Saying NO is a VITAL thing right now.
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