I am not sure if this is the right page or if this should be under "body and self." I am a little nervous to share this, as it requires a lot of vulnerability on my part, but I am hoping some of you can relate to this.
I have struggled with an ED (eating disorder) for many years, and I am finally in a place where I am starting to get more movement! I am really proud of myself for this and excited, but every time I get more freedom, I have a hard time complying with my team's recommendations. I am starting to worry that I will never be able to have full training back because I can't seem to shift my mindset around working out and what really "counts".
Can you relate? Have any of you made it past this particular roadblock with movement?
If you made it this far, thank you for listening to my soliloquy! I appreciate you athletafam!
Oh @A-McBride I relate to this more than you can ever know! I'm a recovering anorexic and bulimic (I still use -ing, b/c though I'm not currently restricting or B/Ping, my ED informs my choices every day). Personally, my biggest shift (and the hardest) was stopping measuring everything with numbers and starting to base on how I felt. This was incredibly hard, b/c part of an ED is the disassociation from ourself and our body. It was terrifying to stop weighing myself or stop measuring my food or counting every single calorie or exercise.
The place I rebuilt my intuitive connection to my body and needs (b/c this is an innate part of being a miraculous human) was on my yoga mat. Find a form of movement that works for you that feels celebratory. Too often, we work out as punishment ESP when deep in throes of an ED.
What makes you feel good and free to move. Could you imagine hiding your scale or (gasp) throwing it out! What if you deleted the cal counting app off your phone.
What I've learned, b/c I have had a few relapses, is that whenever I trust my body, it lands EXACTLY where it's meant to. Would I prefer it to be a few lbs lighter, sure, but the sacrifice to get there is no longer worth it. My body knows what it needs. Now my work is tuning in and listening.
Sending a ton of love. Feel free to DM me anytime on here.
Thank you so much @A-McBride for sharing your story, and being so open with us. I hope that you continue to feel safe here, because we have so much love and support to give! I am so happy to hear that your are continuing your journey and incorporating movement. I struggle with freedom because I only know extremes (intense food rules or no self control). I actually find comfort in structure; but I've also found success in having full faith and trust in the process!