Emotional Well Being

[DianeS634]

I am looking for advice for my situation.  My son and daughter in law have three young children- ages 5, 3 and a 6 month old.  My daughter in law is a stay at home mom and the two oldest are in school all day from 9-4.  In the past, I have made myself available to babysit the baby when asked, but lately I have decided that it is getting to be too much for me, as it tends to be 3+ hours each time.  I tired to calmly communicate this to my daughter in law, but she got very upset with me, saying how "its not too much to ask a grandmother to spend time with her grandkids" and "her family wishes they lived closer so they could be more involved."  For the record, I love my grandkids, I just really enjoy spending time with them when I am not the primary caregiver.   Am I wrong to set limits in this way?  I continue to babysit when there is an emergency; I just don't want to be on call for random babysitting when she feels like getting a massage. 

[ImeldaW4]

I think you’re doing the right thing don’t t get drown in the drama of her disappointment stand on your ground and keep helping with the little ones as much as you feel comfortable with. I’m with you!

[DianeS634]

Thank you so much for your response and support!  

[EileenM650]

maybe offer her two days that you can leave available for her. Then she can arrange appointments and errands on those days. Good luck!

[DianeS634]

Thank you! That is good advice since a large part of the problem was her habit of asking a day before she needed me.  It made me feel like I was on call, or guilty if I had other commitments.  

[Vanessa]

You are so valid @DianeS634! Agree with everyone else, I love the idea of creating a boundary and sticking with it. Tagging Guide @Nichomi_H who I'm sure has great advice when it comes to boundary setting

[kathleenruns]

I agree 100% with the responses so far -- you should not be on call for her, and I like the idea of setting boundaries by offering certain days (and of course in emergencies...though that doesn't include her needing a massage - ha!)

[SuzannaS6]

I desperately wish I had grandparents near by to help. I work full time, and it is so hard to get time to myself or get things done.I know I wouldn’t want to have my time disrespected as a grandparent. But I think it would be great if you could offer up specific times you could be available. And if she wants to schedule something during that time, she can.

[MindyL71]

You have definitely done the right thing by kindly letting her know your limits (boundaries). Her response sounds a bit manipulative, but you can find peace in knowing that your boundaries are your boundaries (regardless of how her family would handle the situation). Limiting the amount of time you offer for babysitting doesn’t mean you love her, your son, or your grandkids any less. It just shows that you also have a good dose of self respect.