My girls are in their 20s, with the oldest turning 25 next year. They're working adult jobs, dating, traveling etc. I'm trying to build an adult connection with them rather than looking at them as kids so they feel empowered and independent. Any advice on how to transform the the relationship and make it stronger?
So glad to hear your relationship with your dad is strengthening @EchoJ. I agree, sometimes its good to embrace the quiet. I know they're great and they make me proud every day. Thank you!
I've been trying to be more patient with them and give them the space to "try life out". I'm glad to hear that you're giving your mom grace as well. Great advice, thank you @sotoalyssalol
I am navigating this transition as well, so found the replies to your post helpful/informative - thank you all!
My children are now 22 and 19. As part of my transition to this new phase, I have been making an effort to send quick texts or photos here/there to let them know I’m thinking of them. And when we talk I really try (and it takes effort for me) to pose open ended questions and then just pause and really listen to their responses. I’m also working on getting out of ‘problem solver mode’ unless they specifically ask for my advice/engagement that way. I have also started outright asking - especially my younger one who is away at college - what type of support they want/need from me. These feel like big shifts to me, but I think are being well received. I suppose time (and practice) will tell!
This is great stuff!! I too am trying to back off while still hovering!!! It's very hard to let them grow up, but I love seeing how are turning into self-sufficient adults!!! I think you are doing the right things!!!!
I love doing small day trips or overnight adventures. If they are into fitness, sign up for an even to do together. Take an art class. We love to have our own mini book club.
This might be a slightly contrary response, but when you concentrate on yourself and your own life, your relationship with adult children evolves naturally. You are asking good questions and being thoughtful in keeping the lines of communication open, without being a nag. But, it's a parent's job to make their kids into independent humans and that starts long before they leave home. I am very close to both my sons (38 and 40), even with distance, but that started long before adulthood, when both myself and my husband made it clear they could tell us anything, even if we got mad about it! And, lest someone says "it's different with girls," I can assure you, it is not. I always felt my job was to make sure their future spouses never said, "What's wrong with your mother, didn't she teach you???" And now we can see the fruits of it all. They are fabulous fathers and husbands. We still have special times, they ask for advice a lot, but frankly, I was relieved when they were on their way.
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